I am a team leader. And I am in a conflict with a team member. This is because he disrespected me in a way that, when I was asking him questions regarding his work, he began mocking me, saying “nya nya nya…” with the keep-on-talking-hand-gesture. I felt really disrespected and told him he has crossed the line. I got really mad since I have been helping him do his work. After that day, I gave him the silent treatment. Today, he dosen’t approach me even though he has multiple problems with his work. And I don’t offer any help. I sill don’t want to help him so he could learn to do things on his own and I still hold that negative feeling. I think I am not an effective team lead, since I can not tolerate that kind of behavior. I would like to be more effective but I am really having a hard time letting go of his being disrepectful. How should I handle this?
The Team Doc Says…
Okay. Here’s the short answer. Get over it. You are the team leader. You need to lead, not act like a child. Or get out of the leadership role.
Here’s the longer answer. You’re not going to like every single team member on your team. It would be nice, but teams are made up of diverse groups of people (I hope!) who have different ideas and skill levels.
If you haven’t done so already, it’s time for a one-on-one discussion with this team member. You can use this conflict resolution process.
It would be a good idea to make sure you do some pre-meeting planning. Find someone you trust to help you out and rehearse the meeting with you. Then schedule your meeting with this team member and resolve this issue — now.
What do you think reader? Add your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
About Denise O'Berry
This are really helpful tips specially when dealing with disrespectful team members.Thanks for sharing this.
I like your work, but I disagree with this one. If you “get over it” and do not hold this person accountable then you, the leader, (the architect of the culture)are sending the messgae to all other direct reports that this acceptable behavior.
Remember, all teams Form, Storm, Norm and Perform (Bruce Tuckman). Norms become the rules of engagement for the team. What is defined as acceptable and not acceptable. Unfortunately many team norms are disfunctional.
You are correct in stating not everyone will like each other, but they must respect one another. This person must be held accountable.
Hey Nick! Thanks for your comment. You must have misunderstood my “get over it” point. It was meant that the team leader needed to quit acting like a baby and start acting like a leader. And, yes, if he uses the conflict model identified in this post, he will be holding that team member accountable.
I fully agree with team docs answer as you need to let your team know what your position is. I also am a team leader and have a very good workable and happy team and only have issues with one member who is beginning to realise that i mean it when i say im in charge. Thank you team doc for your valuable advice.