Old Grudges Don’t Hurt Your Team, They Hurt You

I simply cannot believe it. I have been reassigned to a new team and have a lot of history (not good!) with three of the team members. I haven’t even spoken to these team members in over a year. What am I going to do?

The Team Doc Says…

Well, it’s time to move on. Either mentally or physically. Holding grudges based on past experiences with team members doesn’t help you a bit. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past. All you can do is work with the present to make the future as good as it can be for both you and your team.

I know it’s not easy to let go of something from the past that felt really horrible. But if you really think about how that grudge steals your time and energy, it will make it easier to move on.

Peter Griffith wrote a great column in 1990 for the Daily Herald about how grudges hold on to you, not the other person. He suggests:

To get rid of grudges you hold against others, try the following:

• Admit to yourself (and the person involved if appropriate) that the feelings you are dealing with go back a great deal.
• Ask yourself what benefits you get from keeping the grudge.
• Ask what will happen if you choose to let go of the grudge.
• Decide if you need to a) Tell the other person that you forgive them for an error they might have committed in the past or b) Forgive yourself for carrying the grudge around for so long.

Hop on over and read the entire article on getting over a grudge.

What do you think? Have you successfully moved on from a grudge? Tell us how you did it by leaving a comment.